Ready.

"Watch over your child, Lord, as his days increase. Bless and guide him where ever he may be. Strengthen him when he stands; comfort him when discouraged or sorrowful; raise him up if he falls; and in his heart may your peace that passes all understanding abide all the days of his life - Amen"

Have I mentioned to you guys that I have the best job ever? Well, it's true - I do. I really, really do.

A few weeks ago, one of my clients told me that this was the prayer that she prayed for our little one on the way --- yes. that really happened. One of my clients prays for my children that aren't even in my home yet. Yes, I know --- awesome, right? So comforting. I'm so grateful. 

I thought it was THE perfect prayer & since then, it's been my prayer too. My constant prayer. It's sort of become my way of taking care of this child --- because I know when I ask the Lord, he listens. He tells me that he does over and over again in his word. 

Some days are harder than others. Some days, I really feel a hole in our family. I know there is someone missing.  I'm so ready.

We finished up our IMPACT training classes a few weeks ago (more to come on that --what exactly that is, the chaos that came with it, etc) & since we are done with that.... this week we will turn in this paperwork! After that, DFACS will have to process the paperwork, but it technically could be ANYday after they have it.  

I'm ready. Ready to know that there is ONE LESS. Ready to know that this child/children will be SAFE. Ready to know and for them to know that they will be LOVED. WANTED. WELCOME --- for the rest of their lives!

I don't do well with patience, if you can't tell --- but I do know that the one in control is ALL OVER THIS and he's got it.

 

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

Comments.

For the most part, we have had such an outstanding response from people when they hear that we are adopting. Seriously, y'all - complete strangers have stopped me in Target to say "Don't think I'm crazy, but are you Jay... I've been reading your blog.." and I've gotten e-mail after e-mail from people with questions about this whole process. It's been humbling, to say the least. I'm just doing what I know we're supposed to be doing -- and I'm happy to help, talk about, listen to anything about it if it means that one more child without a home gets one step closer to having one.

But, among all of the WONDERFUL things people have said, there have been a few comments (and I am sure that no harm was intended, honestly) that I wanted to make sure got addressed... even if at the time, I just kind of pretended like they were never said.

"Are you sure? You already have two kids... three or four is alot!"

Yes. Yes, we are sure. There's no turning back now. And yes... 3-4 kids is alot. I'm aware of that. But, I'm from a HUGE family... and I am sure there are days when my momma wanted to pull her hair out (even if she would NEVER admit it) ...but, we all survived & I can guarantee you that you'll have a HARD time finding a more fun place to go for the holidays.

One thing that rings in my ears from time to time came from my dear friend Dee's husband, Ben. When Dee was in the middle of her 4th planned pregnancy we were over at their house and someone made a comment about how loud it was in their house and made a joking remark like "I wonder if they know what causes all these kids"... and Ben just looked at them with a smile on his face and said when we're old and grey and our front yard and our laps are full of grandkids, I'll invite you over and see if you still feel that way.

"More kids... more money..."

Yep. Right again. There's a pretty easy solution to this though, really. Cut back. There you have it. There's no NEED for STUFF. And stuff is what really costs money, if you're honest with yourself. The things in life that REALLY matter --- the things in life that kids REALLY NEED... don't cost a thing. Now, don't get me wrong... I realize that food, medicine, etc. isn't free. That's where the cutting back comes in.

"Well, what if they aren't the same skin color"

Well... WHAT IF THEY AREN'T? Does it matter? I mean... really matter? This one really gets under my skin. I mean - big time. If it does matter to you, then you should probably assess your priorites. It's 2012, people. I have two sisters, two BEAUTIFUL sisters... that well, as you can see in the picture below... aren't my same skin color. And, I can tell you right NOW, that their skin color hasn't effected our family in the least (except maybe the occasional ping of jealousy in the summertime with their skin turns a perfect shade of brown effortlessly, while the rest of us bathe in sunscreen to keep from turning hot pink!). If anything, their skin color opens the door to talk about the story of our family and how the gift of adoption has changed us all for the better.

"I mean... what if they have issues? Like their biological parents..."

Can I please just nip this one right in the bud? Can everyone that's reading this just STOP thinking like that forever? I mean... right here, right now... let's lay this one to rest. THAT IS CRAZY! I'm living proof that it's crazy. My biological mother was the QUEEN OF ISSUES ISLAND... and guess what? I'm fine (for the most part, ha!). Seriously, though, If there was a drug out there to do... she did it. If ever there was an alcohol problem to be had - she had it. If there was someone in her life left to hurt - she hurt them. Probably one of the only good things in her life she's ever done was give up 5 children for adoption. I can't speak for my biological siblings - but I can speak for myself & say that I have NEVER had any issues with the things that she did. HABITS AND BAD DECISIONS ARE NOT GENETIC! Those are choices. I'm thankful for the people in my life that showed me how to form good habits & make the right choices. Hopefully, we can do that for the new member(s) of our family, too.

Whew. Stepping off that soapbox now... :)

Now, I do realize that things like bi-polar disorder, depression, etc. are things that are genetic and can often lead to those bad habits - and we'll cross that bridge when/if we come to it. For us, we're surrounded by a great group of people to lean on so if that comes our way - we'll work it out.

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Also, we've had lots of other questions too - so I wanted to throw a few these out here. :)

This one is the most popular by far:

What if you get an older child and you don't like their name? :) We'll shorten it... nicknames are fun, right? :)

What if you run into their biological parents?

Doing a DFACS adoption, that's a real possibility --- and to be honest, I have no idea what the answer to that question is. If there's anyone anywhere that's lived through that moment, I'd love to hear how you handled it.

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My favorite questions from SJ, so far:

If our child is a girl, can she come with us to get our nails done?!

OF COURSE. :)

If our child is a girl, will she go with us to the Daddy Daughter Dance? She certainly will.

Good. I hope she likes to dance! and I hope you won't make us wear matching dresses! She'll probably hate that, too, Mommy!

What if we get two brothers?

Then we'll have a very messy house and we'll go to lots of soccer and tee ball games.

Oh great. and they'll probably have crushes on all my friends. :) ha!

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We're counting down the days until our IMPACT training classes begin on June 8th. All your prayers are so appreciated & have definitely been noticed. Thank you so much!

"WAIT FOR THE LORD. BE STRONG & TAKE HEART & WAIT FOR THE LORD" Psalm 27:14

Fingerprints

Since we last talked, our family of four took a little trip to the ACTUAL beach. We had so much fun just hanging out & enjoying each other's company. This was R's first trip to the beach where he was actually big enough to enjoy it. I spent a lot of time sitting in the beach chairs watching my two small people work on sandcastle after sandcastle and I just kept thinking that next year --- we could have 2 more small people there working on sand castles! Made my heart want to explode.

I'm not going to lie - this whole waiting part is for the birds. It's not FUN or EASY or even slightly enjoyable. It doesn't come with the physical pain that comes with being pregnant, but it carries it's own kind of stretch marks, for sure --- this is definitely a growth process. There are days that I have to keep my mind completely and totally occupied b/c if I don't, the thought of what is happening in the life of the child/children that God is sending us will completely chew me up and spit me out. I've said this before, but I'll say it again in case there are some new readers here --- DFCS doesn't terminate parental rights for no reason. My CONSTANT prayer is for a hedge of protection for the children in this system as they have to live through things that no child EVER should.

{SN: It isn't DFCS goal at all to terminate parental rights. It's their goal to keep those families together --- as they should be. After all, that was God's plan all along. The way it was designed. the way he intended it to be.  It's only after exhausting all options that their rights are terminated --- and there are ALOT of options to exhaust. That's alot for a child to live through. Let's be honest- that's alot for anyone to live through}

There are lots of days when I feel like this:

Like a little kid. With no control over anything. Standing somewhere my father put me. Looking at and trying to understand something that I can't see the end of. Something that I KNOW is beautiful and good -- but still scary.

But I KNOW - with 100% certainty that this is right where we're supposed to be --- and we're preparing for what is God is sending our way.

A few weeks ago, it crossed my mind that we very well could be given a child old enough to count, read, write, & notice things. I never come in my house through the front door -- but, for some reason, I did the other day. When you come in my house, my dining room is the first thing you see when you look to the right ...my dining room table that seats 4. So, we found a table on an online yard sale page on facebook, had it painted & made a little more room at our table. When this child walks through our doors - if we are given a child old enough to know - I want him/her to KNOW that there is a place for them here. To be certain of it. As certain of it as we are. I don't want him/her to feel like a guest, or have to pull up a chair. We're preparing - while our Heavenly father is preparing a place for all of us.

2 weeks ago, a DFCS affiliate came to our house and we did our Drug Test. Tomorrow - we do our fingerprints. June 8&9 we have our IMPACT training class... then a 45 day wait period. We're checking things off of the list while we're waiting!

  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!          Psalm 27:14       

All the facts.

To say Thank You for all of your sweet words over this last week seems inadequate. The love and support you've all shown via comments (here and on fb), e-mails, big hugs & sweet letters has been unbelievable. I was so nervous about putting all of this out there --- but I see now that I was so silly for that. Seriously, thank you!

I've had several people ask about our adoption process, so I thought that this would be a good place to lay that all out for y'all --- but, I need to say some things first.

We are taking the route of a local DFCS adoption because we whole-heartedly believe that this is the path that God is leading us down. I, in no way, want this to come off as "you should do it this way, it's so much better" --- b/c while I DO think that this is a great way to adopt, if you want to adopt... I think you should PRAY about what type of adoption is right for you and your family. Pray long and hard about it --- read about it, get in the word, ask other people about it - and listen to them when they answer.  As you can see from the picture of all of my brothers and sisters (below) - I think that adopted children from all over the world are amazing, as are my siblings that were adopted through DFCS. Not ONE better than the OTHER -- all equally beautiful, all equally loved --- all equally a child of God! I just want to share this process with you b/c I have had SO many people say "I didn't even know you could adopt through DFCS" or "I always thought adoption was too expensive" ---  well, You CAN & it ISN'T ALWAYS! (although, I completely believe that the price is worth the reward --- and I have seen first hand that the Lord provides the money for agency adoptions!!)

Top from left: Kevin (biological), Daniel (DFCS adoption), John (DFCS adoption)
Bottom: Me (family adoption), Becca (Thailand), Dana (Thailand), LaDawn (biological) 

For those of you that are curious - here's how it works (the best way that I can figure out how to get this out is bullets...)

• First, we called our local DFCS and signed up for an orientation class.
• We went downtown to the DFCS building a watched a VERY informative video and filled out several pages of paperwork. It was at this orientation that we were asked if we were interested in fostering or adoption.
  {SN: George and I chose adoption over fostering b/c we know ourselves well enough to know that we would be heartbroken when a foster child got to go home, especially if it was to a situation that we thought was less than ideal... HOWEVER, please search your heart about this. Y'ALL --- there is SUCH A NEED for this in our community. It's unbelievable. and heartbreaking.}
• When we told them that we were interested in adoption, they told us that our chances of getting an infant were fairly slim & that if we wanted to adopt an infant we should probably go through an agency.  We're totally fine with that -  the Lord has called us to this & we believe that he will give us the child/children that the wants us to have. period. The only cap that we told them was that we would prefer a child younger than our oldest, only b/c we only have experience parenting children up to her age. --- Since we didn't rule out sibling groups, that  means our next child could be a 4 year old hispanic boy, or a 7 year old caucasion girl... OR a 2 month old bi-racial set of twins. We couldn't be any more thrilled about ANY of those possibilities, or about any of the other endless possiblities.
• After the Orientation, our social worker came to our house for a home study. This was just a brief home study --- she needed our financial records. she checked for home safety. she looked at our kids rooms. she asked questions about why we wanted to adopt.  It was very casual & nothing to be scared of (even though I was a nervous wreck that day).
• NOW, we are waiting on a phonecall to schedule our fingerprints & our background checks. As soon as those are scheduled, they will come to our house to do those. 
• Next we will be attending a 20 hour IMPACT training class in Colquitt County on June 8&9.
• After that, I have been told we will have hundreds of pages of paperwork to fill out and that should be about a 45 day process & we will also have to go through a much more in depth home study process --- complete with questions about how we met, our day to day routines and lifestyle, etc.
• After the paperwork, from what I understand, we then will be able to meet our child!!! Y'all --- add that up, that could be as early as the last week of July!!!
• If our child is older, we'll have to go through what our social worker, Monical, called a "meet and greet period" --- where we get to hang out at DFCS office for a while one day, then go out to dinner another day, then they could spend a weekend at our house and so on until the child in comfortable with us.

......and I know the question you want to know. How much does this cost? Well. Here's your answer...

That's right. Nothing. At the most, it might cost us our attorney fees - which will be less than $500.

------ the fact that it is free, for the most part, is not enough reason to rush to DFCS and apply for adoption. seriously --- PRAY ABOUT IT.

Let me tell you - This process has not been an easy process. The actual steps we have taken have been very easy, but the emotions that come with it are not.

It's never far from my mind that these children in our DFCS system live through some HORRIBLE things before they make it to "adoption eligibility" status--- and the state doesn't terminate parental rights of biological parents over small, insignificant things. Chances are, this precious child that the Lord is sending to us is already here &  has already lived through and seen things that no child ever should have to.

My DAILY (hourly) prayer is for protection for this child - Emotional, physical, mental protection.  Your prayers for this child --- and ALL of these children --- would be so appreciated. SO, SO appreciated. This is the verse I'm claiming:

“God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection." - 2nd Samuel 22: 31

Hopefully, in my next post - I can tell you more about our kids that we already have now and my oldest's reactions to this whole process!

Say WHAT?!

Yes. You read that right. We are in the process of adoption.

Are we crazy? no.

Are we sure? yes.

What are we thinking? We aren't... we're just listening.

When I was growing up, I always knew that with adoption being such a major part of my life that it was something that I would do as an adult. It came as such a huge shock to me when George and I got married that he wasn't interested in adoption at all. I mean... AT ALL.

It wasn't because he's cold hearted. He's not. He just wasn't raised the same way that I was. For me, adoption was a part of me - a HUGE blessing in my life. For George, it was something that had never even crossed his mind. To say that I was crushed is an understatement - not adopting was just something that had never crossed my mind. It was in my plans even more than having biological children.

So - for years my prayer was for the Lord to change his heart. To put it in his face. To open his eyes.

I didn't try to push it. I didn't try to press the issue. Honestly, b/c there was hurt there & I didn't want to talk about it.

But y'all -- the Lord is FAITHFUL! In his TIME! He IS. He really, truly is!

One day - literally - out of nowhere..

We went to Cape San Blas where some of our dearest friends were vacationing so I could take their oldest daughter's senior pictures. While we were off shooting in Apalachicola, George spent the day on the beach with Marc and their other three kids. Marc & Amy adopted 3 children & then had one biological child. They are approximately 18, 15, 11 & 5. All are girls, except the 15 year old. Spending that day on the beach with Marc and his kids changed George. When we got in the van that night to come home, he said that he wanted more kids and that he wanted to adopt --- that seeing that Marc could love all of his children the same showed him that he could do that too. My immediate prayer was thank you!! Thank you LORD!!

After that - I think the Lord put it in our face almost daily. In television shows, through friends deciding to adopt, movies, meeting other adopted people --- it was everywhere. We have a very dear friend that is a social worker here in our town. Pretty regularly, she would mention children in the system's care that need homes... foster & adoption homes. I mean, seriously --- there was NO DOUBT to me that the Lord was saying "THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO!"

The next series of events only solidified that more for us....

We had decided that when Raleigh was 2 we would look more into adoption & growing our family. We had it all figured out. Don't you love it when you think you have everything figured out? :) ha!

We rarely go to church on Wednesday nights... mainly b/c it's so hard to get back home in time to get our kids bathed and in bed on time. But, we were there one night. The adult class was watching a video series from Craig Groeschel & he said something I knew God meant for us to hear.

"When you know that the Lord has told you to do something and you don't do it right then --- that's called delayed disobedience & that is a SIN. When you know that the Lord has told you to do something and you ignore it --- that's direct disobedience & that is a SIN"

Later, after kids were in bed that night, we both talked about how that came to us like a slap in the face. The very next day, I had lunch with a few of my favorite girlfriends --- Amy (with the 4 children that I was just talking about), Angie (our friend that is a social worker) & Ashley (one of my dearest friends, also adopted). During lunch Angie told us about a young girl that wanted to have an abortion, but she knew that she could talk to her and have her keep the baby if she knew it would have a home & how it was just breaking her heart.

Guess when the baby was due?

in July.

Shortly after Raleigh was TWO.

I knew what God was saying. I heard him. I called George immediately after I got in my van... and he knew too. It was just something that we knew we were supposed to do.

We called Angie & she talked to the young girl... Who agreed to carry the baby to term.

WE WERE SO EXCITED --- and we began to make plans for the arrival of "Baby July".

Sadly - at the hands of an abusive boyfriend, she miscarried in Mid January. 

heartbroken? confused? mad? YES - I was ALL of those things. On lots of different levels. 

I still don't completely understand why everything happened the way that it did there.  I doubt I ever will. The whole situation was just so sad. My friends were an awesome support system... this sweet facebook message from a friend helped me more than I am sure she knows. I can't even tell you how many times I've read it:

"What a joyous day it will be when we get to meet baby July in heaven. I believe that July was made for your family and when you all meet in heaven, it will be like you've known each other forever."

BUT - even in all the sadness, there was a peace that I had. I knew God's hand was on it. I knew he was there. Even if I was confused and upset with him - he never left.  

During that time, I did alot of praying and soul searching --- even a little second guessing if this was really God's plan, or mine? Sometimes he screams & sometimes He softly whispers, that's all I can say about that. I've never been more sure about God's plan before than I am about this ---

So here we are.. round two.

We've done our orientation classes.

We've filled out lots of papers.

We've done our first home study (and passed - woot!!)

and now we are waiting to go to our next training class at the beginning of June.

So - there you have it. Our big news!

To read more about this blog & us, check out the tabs at the top of the page (under where it says "A day on the Beach")

Hopefully, I'll update this blog often enough to answer any questions you might have. There's alot I want to say & share with you.

Never in our lives have we had to lean on God more than we are right now -- it's a crazy to thing to have zero control over a situtation and to trust the Lord completely, whether you like it or not.

If I know some of you, you are going to ask what you can do for us ---

During this time, more than anything, we ask for your prayers. Prayers for peace of mind & prayers for this sweet child that the Lord is sending us.