Since we last talked, our family of four took a little trip to the ACTUAL beach. We had so much fun just hanging out & enjoying each other's company. This was R's first trip to the beach where he was actually big enough to enjoy it. I spent a lot of time sitting in the beach chairs watching my two small people work on sandcastle after sandcastle and I just kept thinking that next year --- we could have 2 more small people there working on sand castles! Made my heart want to explode.
I'm not going to lie - this whole waiting part is for the birds. It's not FUN or EASY or even slightly enjoyable. It doesn't come with the physical pain that comes with being pregnant, but it carries it's own kind of stretch marks, for sure --- this is definitely a growth process. There are days that I have to keep my mind completely and totally occupied b/c if I don't, the thought of what is happening in the life of the child/children that God is sending us will completely chew me up and spit me out. I've said this before, but I'll say it again in case there are some new readers here --- DFCS doesn't terminate parental rights for no reason. My CONSTANT prayer is for a hedge of protection for the children in this system as they have to live through things that no child EVER should.
{SN: It isn't DFCS goal at all to terminate parental rights. It's their goal to keep those families together --- as they should be. After all, that was God's plan all along. The way it was designed. the way he intended it to be. It's only after exhausting all options that their rights are terminated --- and there are ALOT of options to exhaust. That's alot for a child to live through. Let's be honest- that's alot for anyone to live through}
There are lots of days when I feel like this:
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| Like a little kid. With no control over anything. Standing somewhere my father put me. Looking at and trying to understand something that I can't see the end of. Something that I KNOW is beautiful and good -- but still scary. |
A few weeks ago, it crossed my mind that we very well could be given a child old enough to count, read, write, & notice things. I never come in my house through the front door -- but, for some reason, I did the other day. When you come in my house, my dining room is the first thing you see when you look to the right ...my dining room table that seats 4. So, we found a table on an online yard sale page on facebook, had it painted & made a little more room at our table. When this child walks through our doors - if we are given a child old enough to know - I want him/her to KNOW that there is a place for them here. To be certain of it. As certain of it as we are. I don't want him/her to feel like a guest, or have to pull up a chair. We're preparing - while our Heavenly father is preparing a place for all of us.
2 weeks ago, a DFCS affiliate came to our house and we did our Drug Test. Tomorrow - we do our fingerprints. June 8&9 we have our IMPACT training class... then a 45 day wait period. We're checking things off of the list while we're waiting!
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14
