My Children.

Here's the thing about blogs...

You have to remember they exist. You have to remember how important they are to tell the story of your life. You have to ACTUALLY write posts and post them...  Sometimes I feel like my words aren't fancy or adequate enough to say the things I need to say, so I tend to not say anything at all over here.

I'm sorry for my absence. I don't mean to neglect this blog. Honestly, I don't.

But, these littles, they're just so easy to get wrapped up in & this blog sometimes takes a backburner to football games, and carpool, and school plays, and work, and church, and road trips & life!

My boys have been home about 4 days shy of 8 months. I know that it sounds so cliche' to say this - but I don't really remember how life was before them. It's true - I must have had so much time on my hands this time last year.  People ask me pretty regularly "how we do it"... well, Mornings start early around here - usually around sunrise & days end when the sun goes down. We lay out outfits at the beginning of the week & never leave home without a plan. We buy things in sets of 4 & inevitably if we leave home without extra clothes, we will need them. I don't know how we would live without uncrustables & pre-sliced apples - those are staples around here. Judge away... but I thank the Lord for pre-packaged food & each and every one of these children.

It wasn't that long ago that I remember a sweet friend of mine praying and praying for the Lord to bless her with children. After years of praying, the Lord sent her twins. When the twins were born, I remember reading her blog where she documented special times in the lives of "her babies" --- she praised them with no shame. In every post. She never passed up a moment to talk about how much she loved them -- how beautiful, smart, talented, funny, charming they were. When the twins were 3 years old, my sweet friend passed away so very unexpectedly during what should have been a quick procedure. I thank God for every single compliment she paid them on the pages of her blog. Speaking as the daughter of a deceased parent, I know that they will treasure those words from her forever. So please forgive me if I relentlessly praise my children. For her, for my sweet friend Susan, b/c I know she would approve... I won't apologize for very openly loving everything about them.

My girl

My girl... She's SO smart. Effortlessly smart. She kind of  blows my mind smart... in a good way. She never misses anything! I love her heart - her compassionate, generous, loving nature. She is her great grandmother made over. Her free spirit that causes her feet to tap to the beat of every song makes my heart swoon. Her inner music lover makes me smile. I could listen to her sing for hours.... and that is a good thing, because she will totally let me. She's completely unaware of how beautiful she is - inside or out. Her humbleness shocks me. I could go on and on - I would never wish her life away, because her childhood is moving by so quickly. too, too quickly. --- but I  dream sometimes about her being an adult because I know that she & I will be the best of friends one day.



Sweet C

My sweet C... Precious boy. Handsome boy. My sweet little love. The one that always brings me flowers. The one that never wants to see anyone sad. The one that longs to please everyone. The one that always. always. always smiles. The one that always gives 100% and then some. He's everything that anyone could ever dream of in a child. I'm not exaggerating. He's got more heart than any adult I know. He's meant for GREAT things in this world - I am so humbled that I get to be his mother that I can't even write this without tears streaming down my face. He's a walking, talking, breathing and loving VISUAL IMAGE of God's restoration and redemption and I will spend the rest of my life thanking God for every accomplishment in his life because I know that HE will be where they all stream from.




Precious T
 



My precious T... He's the soft spot in my heart. He's my timid one. My shy one. The one that takes the longest to warm up to people. But T... He's so precious.. and I mean that literally. By definition, precious means "not to be wasted: rare or unique and therefore to be used sparingly or treated with care" --- in his short little life, he has seen so much wasted time & very little care. If I'm honest, I  know that I can't ever give him that time back & if I could have just ONE wish, it would be for him to be confident that he is loved. His precious smile and his gentle spirit can literally make my saddest moments happy again. He gives the best hugs. He's my care-giver - the one that brings us all blankets when we watch TV, even if there isn't one for him. He loves music and dancing. His laugh is unavoidably contagious & He gets to my heart in a way that no one else ever has --- I can't even put words around it. 5 minutes alone with him & you would get it, too.



Wild R

My wild R... This kid. He's going need a microphone one day b/c he already has so much to say! He loves to make people smile & usually he won't quit until he does. He loves people whole-heartedly. he can pray prayers at 3 years old that would bring you to your knees. He's always full speed ahead, but never too busy for hugs or kisses. He can't stand to see someone else in trouble or hurt - and will always come to their rescue... usually in fireman attire. He's definitely a defender of the weak. He's my light sleeper, which I don't mind b/c that gives us one on one time while his brothers are napping. He loves to sing & make up songs. He's witty & charming --- which at this age is a very cute combination. He's always making up games to play & he doesn't like to be alone. He's the best snuggler in the bunch & I mean it when I say that if the Lord hadn't sent him to me 3 years ago, I don't know that I could have ever been a momma to 4 boys. He paved the way & I love him so.




Baby J

My baby J... my baby that never really had a chance to be a baby. He is strong willed, determined to make a way for himself. He can do everything himself and only lets you help him if you trick him into it. It's sad in a way, but it's also what I love the most about him. He's never going to let anyone run over him, he'll always be a front-runner - At 2 years old, he's the leader of our pack. He loves fearlessly. He's so brave. He's not afraid to go after what he wants. He's assertive. He's quick to forgive. He's SO handsome. He has eyelashes that some women would pay thousands of dollars for. He thinks that his Daddy hung the moon in the sky just for him. He's got rhythm that makes me a little bit jealous. When he slows down long enough for snuggles, he's quick to run his fingers through your hair and say I love you. He has to win the "I love you MORE" argument. I usually let him win... even though I really love him more. 

All of my children are so different. SO incredibly opposite from one another --- but yet, still mine. They were all sent to me from the Lord - in different ways, yes... but still sent to me.

This line from a poem that I read years ago rings in my ears even now:

"Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own."

My own.

All 5 of them. just the same. My own. On loan from the Lord... to me. Not one more-so than the others. Not one less than the others. Just the same. My own.

So, tonight, here I am with a full home & a full heart...  baffled by these very words. Stumbling to put words around those words.

From someone who has been adopted & now, someone who has adopted children - to hear someone else say "children of my own" has a weird effect on me - it always has. I wonder if my face is a giveaway when I hear people say it - I try really hard to keep my face straight, but everyone who knows me says that they can always tell what I am thinking by the look on my face... I wonder if they can tell that those words are so uncomfortable to me.

Like... really, really, really uncomfortable.

Maybe it's just my sensitive nature - but I don't think I'm alone on this. Don't get me wrong, I know that that no real harm is meant or intended by the person saying them. I know that in my heart.

When I hear/read those words, I can't help but think that somehow the person that is saying them must sub-consciously assume that I am somehow held in a different regard to my mother because I am not hers biologically... or that somehow I must love my adopted children differently because I never heard their hearts beat from my womb or felt their tiny feet kick inside of my growing belly.

Let me assure you - this is not the case. My dying breath will be spent praising the Lord for every. single. one. of these children.  My own children. All 5 of them.

They have changed me - each in their own way --- all children are a blessing! No matter how they find their way to you. Whether it's through your own womb or through someone else's. 

Wouldn't you agree?

The word tells us this over and over again!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:27

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart - I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.” Mark 9:37

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:27-28


Children - no matter how they come to you - are from the Lord. A blessing. A miracle. A true gift. An honor.

I'm so thankful for my 5 littles - for the blessing that they have been to me. For the way that our lives have changed with the addition of each and every one of them. For each and every wonderful thing that they bring to us daily --- I'm not worthy to be their mother, of this I am sure. But, I am so grateful that the Lord makes me new & gives me just enough of what I need everyday to be the mother that I am to all 5 of my own children that he chose to so graciously bless me with.

Forever and Eternally grateful, I will always be.