Jesus Loves ME, this I know.

Let me take you back to something that happened to me in 2011.

It was a cold(ish) Fall Day in South Georgia & I was having a moment. Ladies, I know that you know what I'm talking about. Those moments where NOTHING in your world is going your way. Specifically, at this moment... nothing in my CLOSET was going my way. I know.. first world problem, right?

So, I did what any girl would do. I may have said to my sweet husband.. "I'm not going! I don't have anything to wear!" (I can't even remember what the plan was anymore)... but I Didn't go... and I stayed home & cleaned out my closet. I mean CLEANED it OUT! I pulled garbage bag after garbage bag out of there. Shameful. I mean it. Why I had that many clothes in my house, not being worn, was ridiculous.

Then, I called a friend that wore around the same size I did & I said COME AND GET THESE CLOTHES. TONIGHT. Get them out of here! So, she did.

After we carried them to her car we were casually talking about our day & she mentioned that she was excited about her "new" clothes. I told her to enjoy them, that I really loved most of those clothes & that I was more unhappy with the way that I looked, personally, than I was with any of those clothes. I said it so casually, because it was true, that I didn't even think about it.

That's when it happened.

She just looked at me, kind of flabbergasted, and said "I never would have guessed that. You always seem so confident & put together."

It was in that moment that I knew I had been successful in something that I wasn't even trying to do. Something I didn't WANT to do. Something that I had judged other people (in my head, of course) for doing... thinking to myself things like "faker" or "no one is that happy all the time" --- and then BAM. There it was. I was one of those people.

Her comment, that I know she didn't even think about, made such an impact on me that I can still remember it vividly. I think about it when I get dressed sometimes. I think about it when I am trying to hush my children in a store or quiet them in a restaurant. I think about it when I post something on social networking. I think about it when I am putting on makeup before running into a store for a minute. I think about it almost daily.

I don't want to be that person. I don't want anyone to think that about me.

If you don't know ANYTHING else about me, know these things:

I don't have it all together.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not confident in very many things.
I question almost everything I do.
I struggle.
I obsess over stupid things.

Y'all.
If there is something that I do and do it correctly - it's because the Lord willed it to be so. I'm a mess without him, y'all.

Like, a BIG mess.

People tell me all the time "I don't know how you do it! Four little boys!!" --- Well, I know exactly how I do...  I don't do it! The Lord does.

If we make it through the day with no injuries & no major melts... it's because the day started with a "Help me make it through this day, Lord" prayer!

I'm so thankful that Jesus Loves Me --- EVEN the mess. Even the chaos. Even the ugly.

Jesus loves ME. The real me.

At the end of the day - no matter how long the day was... I KNOW that to be true.

& I am thankful for that. Not always thankful enough. But thankful, nonetheless.